resilience

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Actions Speak

This is Kevin. Kevin is our Groundsman. Kevin arrives at school very early each morning and works through until the afternoon. He is multi skilled. He is an artist. You can see his creativity around the school in rock sculptures, garden designs and plantings. He is a problem solver, constantly working out strategies to fix or make things for our school. He is a mathematician measuring, calculating, weighing, budgeting, working to time limits and meeting deadlines. He is a tradesman involved in plumbing, painting, building and constructing.

 

The school looks so good and is so well maintained because of his work and creativity. Kevin takes pride in all that he does. And it shows. Kevin is a vital member of our school community.

Our school, our students, our school community. We are all vital members of our school community. Our school exists for our students. Our teachers and SSOs do not talk about “My Class” or “My Students” but rather “Our School” and “Our Students”. We are all responsible for the success of our students and our school, and this includes “Our Parents and Caregivers”.

Like teachers and SSOs, parents and caregivers are essential members of our school community and like staff, your words, actions and behaviours model expectations to our students. When parents and caregivers solve problems calmly through dialogue and conversation with each other or with staff they show that they too follow our School Values of Good Manners and Friendliness. Conversely, if they swear at each other from their cars outside the school, it undermines our values.

When parents and caregivers allow children to learn by their mistakes and the consequences of their actions they show that they too follow our School Values of Resilience and Persistence. Conversely, if they rescue their children they undermine and stop their learning.

When parents and caregivers get their children to school on time they demonstrate that they value learning and also model organization and time management skills. What does constantly being late teach children?

Kevin works so hard to have our school look the best it can be. Hopefully we are all proud of our school. I am not proud of the litter around the yard and I always try to model picking up litter despite never dropping it. How powerful it would be for all members of our school community to pick up papers as they walk through the school? It would show their pride in our school. It would model to the students that they should keep the yard clean and show care for our school by keeping it clean. It would encourage students to do the same. It would show that we all appreciate the great work being done by Kevin and it would show that we all have pride in Our School.

Our actions speak louder than words. Kevin doesn’t talk about painting a wall. He just gets about doing it and doing it well. Thanks Kevin for being such a good role model for Our School, Our Students and Our School Community.

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False Rescues

Our children are the most important things in our lives. If our children were in danger, I am sure that we would all do whatever we could to rescue them, even to the point of giving our lives.

Have you ever taught your child to swim? We hold them up on the surface, tell them to kick their legs, move their arms and breathe deeply. We let go, they go under but we are there to lift them to the surface again.

Imagine you never letting go. Your child would never learn to swim and would always be dependent on you when in the water. Not letting go could put your children eventually in mortal danger of drowning if you are not around.
Letting go is an essential part of learning and growing.

We strive to have learning at the heart of everything that we do at Hackham East Primary. A “False Rescue” is when, in attempting to help a child, no matter how good the intentions, we actually stop learning.

All children must learn independence. Are they carrying their own bags to school and putting them in the appropriate place outside the class? Are they getting their own equipment out at the beginning of the day? Do they put their own lunch in the lunch bag, dress themselves? Do they do their own homework? I recall, as a child, leaving the completion of a project until the last moment. My mother jumped in to help me finish it on time, actually doing some of the research for me. This was a false rescue. Did it teach me that there were consequences for my poor organization or did it just reaffirm that mum would always be there to rescue me?

We can unintentionally rescue children from thinking. When a child asks a question, it is so easy to give an answer. By responding to their question with “What do you think?” we not only get our kids to think but also learn what they think. We learn about their knowledge, their assumptions and their misconceptions. We can then question them further to help them think through their own thinking. Their thinking will go deeper than just getting an answer from us.

We no longer “false rescue” students by cocooning them at playtime with rules and regulations. With high expectations instead, we want children to take risks, think for themselves and problem solve by allowing them to ride scooters and bikes, build cubbies and play with sticks. If there is an altercation such as who owns which cubby materials, we teach them to problem solve, reach compromise and come to agreements rather than make the rules and solve the problem for them and stopping the learning.

Letting go can be very difficult but it is all about learning. False rescues stop learning. Parents and teachers must work together, in partnership to help build strong, resilient learners.

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Helping Kids to be Successful Failures

IMG_0004Six weeks ago our daughters competed in the Women’s State Invitational Gymnastics competition. Both had been training for 6 months, three nights per week for three hours each session. They were both desperately hoping to qualify for Australian National Level 4. At the end of 2 days of completion, we waited for the gradings to be announced. After the names of those qualifying were called to stand, both our girls were left sitting. My wife and I felt so disappointed for them both. They had each missed out by less than 2 points. They were understandably disappointed.

What, as parents and teachers, do we say to our children when they are challenged, struggle and fail? It is easy to wrap them in cotton wool and give them sympathy. It is easy to make excuses. It is easy to let them give up. Too many students drop out of commitments such as choir or instrumental music when the challenge gets high. The easy way is to run away from the disappointment, from the emotional pain and from the challenge.

We were able to empathise with our daughters and talked about times when we had not achieved what we set out to do. We encouraged them to keep trying.

The following stories of well known people who had failed, but kept pressing on until they became successful, are good to share with your children to help build resilience.

After being cut from his high school basketball team, he went home locked himself in his room and cried. – Michael Jordan, 6 times NBA Champion, 5 times NBA Most Valuable Player and 4 times NBA All-Star.

He wasn’t able to speak until he was almost 4 years old and his teachers said he would “never amount to much” – Albert Einstein, Theoretical Physicist and Nobel Peace Prize Winner.

Was demoted from her job as a news anchor because she… “Wasn’t fit for television.” – Oprah Winfrey, Host of a Multi-Award-Winning Talk Show and Most Influential Woman in the World.

Fired from a newspaper for “lacking imagination” and “having no original ideas” -Walt Disney, Creator of Mickey Mouse, Disneyland and Winner of 22 Academy Awards

At age 11 he was cut from his team after being diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency… which made him smaller in stature than most kids his age. – Lionel Messi, 3 time FIFA World Player of the Year

At 30 years old he was left devastated and depressed after being unceremoniously removed from the company he started. – Steve Jobs, Co-Founder of Apple Inc and Co-Founder of Pixar Animated Studios

A High School dropout, whose personal struggles with drugs and poverty culminated in an unsuccessful suicide attempt… – Eminem, 13 time Grammy Award Winner, sold over 90 million albums worldwide.

A teacher told him he was… “Too stupid to learn anything” and that he should go into a field where he might succeed by virtue of his pleasant personality. – Thomas Edison, inventor to the light globe and over a thousand other inventions.

Rejected by Decca Recording studios, who said “we don’t like their sound”… “They have no future in show business” – The Beatles, the most commercially successful and critically acclaimed band in history.

His First Book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. Was Rejected By 27 Publishers. – Dr. Zeuss, best selling children’s author in history

His Fiancé Died, Failed In Business, Had A Nervous Breakdown And Was Defeated In 8 Elections. – Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the USA.

Here is the link to the Youtube clip called Famous Failures https://youtu.be/zLYECIjmnQs outlining the above stories. It finishes with the quote, “If You’ve Never Failed, You’ve Never Tried Anything New”. We want our children to try, learn how to fail well in order to build resilience to become successful.

This weekend our girls once again competed for their Level 4 Gymnastics. After 6 weeks of practicing the skills that they failed last time, both achieved their goal.

Failure builds resilience. Resilience builds success.

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The Learning Pit

I am a big Doctor Who fan. He is always able to solve the unsolvable by seeing the unobvious and deducing the implausible. He may need some assistance from his female companion or his sonic screw-driver but he always works out what to do to save the day. Despite having two hearts his skills are not superhuman rather those of problem solving through logic, deduction, perseverance, persistence and asking the right questions.

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? Developing the skills and strategies in dealing with the unknown and the new is something that all children will need to be successful in the future. The world that our children are growing into will be very different from our own. Change is occurring so quickly in everything. Technology is changing every aspect of work and society. Manual and skilled jobs are being replaced by robots and automation. Our children will be working in jobs that have not even been dreamt of yet. Adaptability and an open, learning mindset is key.

How do we assist children to develop these skills?

One cannot be a nimble thinker and problem solver if one is fearful of being stuck, fearful of making a mistake or fearful of the discomfort of not knowing what to do. We want children to have a go and be risk takers but we too often cotton wool them to the extent that we rob them of their opportunity to learn.

The Learning Pit is a good metaphor for talking to children about the learning process and resilience.The Learning Pit Getting stuck is where the best learning takes place. When we are stuck we might get negative feelings like discomfort, frustration, helplessness towards our learning. We hear children say, “I won’t do it.” or “I can’t do it.” If we intervene at this stage and rescue by doing it for them they will learn that getting stuck is a bad thing, that the negative feelings are bad and they will continually shy away from a challenge. They will not develop persistence or resilience toward learning.

As a child struggles with a problem get them to ask questions to clarify and explore the options. Answer their questions with questions rather then an answer so that they are doing the thinking and solving the problem themselves. Ask them where they might be able to find help – internet, Youtube etc and let them explore. As they begin to get themselves “unstuck”, they will gain confidence in their own abilities and develop an “I can do it!” attitude. This will benefit them throughout their lives.

Doctor Who thrives on challenge. He doesn’t give up. He isn’t rescued. He persists and succeeds.

Stuck? Great! Good learning happens when you are stuck.

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Persistence and Resilience

Skateboard I was recently at a BBQ and tried out a friend’s new skateboard. Being an aging “kid” and keen surfer I “surfed” this skateboard around the garden with modest flair, weaving through garden furniture and verandah poles. A young boy was upset because he could not turn the skateboard that he was on. He asked me to show him how to turn. He showed me what he was doing. He was standing incorrectly with both feet together. I showed him and put him in the correct position and suggested that he practise. One try, did not work for him so he gave up immediately, sat down and cried. I tried to encourage him back but he seemed to be more intent on seeking sympathy than mastering skateboarding. His father said that he always “spits the dummy” when he cannot do something immediately.

Our school virtues include PERSISTENCE and RESILIENCE and are crucial habits for children to develop to become successful learners and successful adults. They are defined as:
• The habit of trying again and again without complaint or the need for a reward.
• The habit of accepting failure as the stepping stone to success and bouncing back.
• The habit of seeing problems and difficulties as things you can do something about to make better.

Think of anything that you have learned or mastered. Riding a bike, learning to walk, talk, write, surf, skateboard, fix a car, cook, land a BMX jump… all are learnt through having a go, making mistakes, falling over and getting back up and having another go.

Billie Jean King, a tennis legend, described every lost point as a learning opportunity rather than a loss. All successful learners bounce back and keep trying.

What can we do as parents and educators to help our children learn persistence and resilience? We can redescribe problems as challenges. Give encouragement to try again rather than offer sympathy when a child “trips up” and falls. Help them to see that we learn more from our mistakes than our successes and that failure is a stepping stone to success.

Try asking your child questions such as:

What did you do today that really challenged you?

What mistakes did you make and what did you learn from them?

What did you do that really made you work hard to achieve?

Everyone who is successful has had to practise for thousands of hours. One doesn’t practice what one has already mastered. We practice what we can’t do over and over until we can. Mastery is only achieved through taking one step at a time, picking oneself up after every fall, learning from mistakes and having another go. Developing persistence and resilience will lead to success.

Let’s get our kids back on life’s skateboard every time they fall to help them become persistent and resilient learners.

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One Thing My Mother Taught Me Before She Died

My dear mother died of cancer 35 years ago. It was a tragic story of misdiagnosis by doctors to the point where she was told by her family doctor that she was a hypochondriac. After a year of feeling pain that was “only in her head”, with her thinking she was going mad, Dad made her seek other opinions and cancer was discovered in her bladder.

Mum told me that before her first operation she thought she might die. After surviving she said to me that many people say that one should live each day as if it’s your last. However, she said that one should live each day as if it’s your first. After “returning from the grave” She saw the world as if for the first time, in wonder, as someone blind seeing for the first time; every colour vivid, every flower a marvel, life a gift to be treasured and never taken for granted.

Mum showed me a sketch that she made of a brushfire blackened landscape with a tiny red flower at the base of a burnt out tree. Underneath she had written “Courage”.

Mum’s courage battled through more operations and radio therapy. The doctors blamed the cancer on her father chain smoking when she was a child. Mum blamed the stress brought on by the death of my sister at the age of 11. Either way, she remained positive, courageous and resilient.

My mother desperately wanted to live. The cause of her illness was out of her control. I do get very angry when I see people deliberately poisoning themselves and their children by smoking.

When I catch myself staring at the pavement, feeling sorry for myself, I think of the red flower, I think of refocusing on what I have rather on what I haven’t and I try to look at things through the eyes of one seeing for the first time.

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Cocooning Children

Once a boy  found a caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it. The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.

 One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy’s mother explained that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon and was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.

The boy watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.

At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!

The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He got a pair of scissors, and snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!

As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He thought that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.

But neither happened!

The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shrivelled wings.

It never was able to fly…

The boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong and learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.

Struggling is an important part of any growth experience. Muscles don’t grow without be stretched. Our school values include resilience and persistence. TfEL (Teaching for Effective Learning) 2.4 is about Challenge and (appropriate) support. How difficult this becomes when (some/many) parents continually “rescue” their children. As the boy in the story, the parents might be well meaning but the result is children who cannot “fly”.

As part of the school’s Virtues program, we work with parents to enable children to develop resilience and persistence through struggling and embracing challenge. The following message to parents that I observed at Tapping Primary School WA (A Play Is The Way Lighthouse School) will soon be on posters around our school:

No False Rescues

Falsely rescuing children from emotional discomfort and difficulty weakens their resiliency and lessens their ability to persevere.

 We rescue when a someone is struggling to breathe, not when one is struggling to swim in a swimming lesson.Cocooning children will never allow them to fly.