learning from failure

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Mum’s Project

There are not many things I remember about Primary school. It was 50 years ago, but some significant memories remain. I remember vividly my Year 5 teacher who, on day two of the year, twisted the tuft of hair near my ear until tears came to my eyes and said, “You do the right thing by me and I’ll do the right thing by you.” I came top of Year 5 that year. He ignited my passion for a love of history and planted the seed of travelling the world to see places my eyes were opened to in class.

I recall being told off for organizing a game of Red Rover involving girls and boys. Apparently, girls were not allowed to play such games. I thought that this was unfair.

One vivid memory that sticks with me was leaving a homework project to the last minute and mum jumping in to help me. I recall her using the encyclopaedia to find the information that I should have found, writing the notes out for me to copy, sketching the illustrations for me to colour and even outlining and shading some areas that I did not do well enough. My project turned out to be a masterpiece. I proudly handed it in on time to the teacher. I received a high mark.

Why do I remember this project out of all the work that I did in the seven years in Primary School? It wasn’t the high grade. It was because I still feel guilty that it was not my project at all but my mother’s. She had rescued me because I had not done the right thing, had not been responsible and had left everything to the last moment. Would I have learnt more by failing? Would I have learnt responsibility, time management, more about the topic, etc had my mother let me fail?

Any time we assist a child we need to ask the questions: “Is this helping or rescuing?” “Is the ‘help’ making the child stronger or weaker?” “What lesson will he or she learn from my help?” The grade that I received was not earned by me. Was my lesson that deceit is OK? Was it that adhering to timelines is not important?

At school, we define FAIL as First Attempts In Learning. Had I done my own work and failed, my teacher could then have worked with me on the skills I needed to develop. I would have learnt how to be better organized and how to plan my time to meet deadlines.

My dear mother thought that she was doing the best thing for me in “assisting” with my project by doing most of it for me. Hopefully, as a parent I will not do the same thing. I do not want my children feeling guilty for learning the ‘wrong’ lessons.

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False Rescues

Our children are the most important things in our lives. If our children were in danger, I am sure that we would all do whatever we could to rescue them, even to the point of giving our lives.

Have you ever taught your child to swim? We hold them up on the surface, tell them to kick their legs, move their arms and breathe deeply. We let go, they go under but we are there to lift them to the surface again.

Imagine you never letting go. Your child would never learn to swim and would always be dependent on you when in the water. Not letting go could put your children eventually in mortal danger of drowning if you are not around.
Letting go is an essential part of learning and growing.

We strive to have learning at the heart of everything that we do at Hackham East Primary. A “False Rescue” is when, in attempting to help a child, no matter how good the intentions, we actually stop learning.

All children must learn independence. Are they carrying their own bags to school and putting them in the appropriate place outside the class? Are they getting their own equipment out at the beginning of the day? Do they put their own lunch in the lunch bag, dress themselves? Do they do their own homework? I recall, as a child, leaving the completion of a project until the last moment. My mother jumped in to help me finish it on time, actually doing some of the research for me. This was a false rescue. Did it teach me that there were consequences for my poor organization or did it just reaffirm that mum would always be there to rescue me?

We can unintentionally rescue children from thinking. When a child asks a question, it is so easy to give an answer. By responding to their question with “What do you think?” we not only get our kids to think but also learn what they think. We learn about their knowledge, their assumptions and their misconceptions. We can then question them further to help them think through their own thinking. Their thinking will go deeper than just getting an answer from us.

We no longer “false rescue” students by cocooning them at playtime with rules and regulations. With high expectations instead, we want children to take risks, think for themselves and problem solve by allowing them to ride scooters and bikes, build cubbies and play with sticks. If there is an altercation such as who owns which cubby materials, we teach them to problem solve, reach compromise and come to agreements rather than make the rules and solve the problem for them and stopping the learning.

Letting go can be very difficult but it is all about learning. False rescues stop learning. Parents and teachers must work together, in partnership to help build strong, resilient learners.