Mum’s Project

There are not many things I remember about Primary school. It was 50 years ago, but some significant memories remain. I remember vividly my Year 5 teacher who, on day two of the year, twisted the tuft of hair near my ear until tears came to my eyes and said, “You do the right thing by me and I’ll do the right thing by you.” I came top of Year 5 that year. He ignited my passion for a love of history and planted the seed of travelling the world to see places my eyes were opened to in class.

I recall being told off for organizing a game of Red Rover involving girls and boys. Apparently, girls were not allowed to play such games. I thought that this was unfair.

One vivid memory that sticks with me was leaving a homework project to the last minute and mum jumping in to help me. I recall her using the encyclopaedia to find the information that I should have found, writing the notes out for me to copy, sketching the illustrations for me to colour and even outlining and shading some areas that I did not do well enough. My project turned out to be a masterpiece. I proudly handed it in on time to the teacher. I received a high mark.

Why do I remember this project out of all the work that I did in the seven years in Primary School? It wasn’t the high grade. It was because I still feel guilty that it was not my project at all but my mother’s. She had rescued me because I had not done the right thing, had not been responsible and had left everything to the last moment. Would I have learnt more by failing? Would I have learnt responsibility, time management, more about the topic, etc had my mother let me fail?

Any time we assist a child we need to ask the questions: “Is this helping or rescuing?” “Is the ‘help’ making the child stronger or weaker?” “What lesson will he or she learn from my help?” The grade that I received was not earned by me. Was my lesson that deceit is OK? Was it that adhering to timelines is not important?

At school, we define FAIL as First Attempts In Learning. Had I done my own work and failed, my teacher could then have worked with me on the skills I needed to develop. I would have learnt how to be better organized and how to plan my time to meet deadlines.

My dear mother thought that she was doing the best thing for me in “assisting” with my project by doing most of it for me. Hopefully, as a parent I will not do the same thing. I do not want my children feeling guilty for learning the ‘wrong’ lessons.